The story you are about to read is simply the Greatest Tecmo Super Bowl Story Ever Told.
I didn’t write it. I just can expect to compile such prose in such a way. Like I did with the time I go to a Tecmo Super Bowl tournament in Lincoln, NE and was forced to humble himself to Tony Eason, but was met by Danny Noonan.
This story, by the formidable “Big Red”, has existed in the Tecmo Super Bowl NES underworld for many years. (for more on that world visit https://tecmobowl.org/)
Memories of a simpler time. A time when all the young men played Tecmo super bowl on the NES chatted with their friends exactly like this.
Behold: I give you Big Red and his OFFER. No grammar is fixed, Practicality is maintained.
THE VISUAL FACT OF Super Tecmo Bowl NES and the moment we literally told our kids about this day…
“This weekend, I won Tecmo with Eagle
But not just any conventional way. I was traveling through Ohio towards the East Coast and finally stopped in Martinsburg, West Virginia, and there I found a small, cozy house where I could sense the presence of a machine. Nintendo.
I knocked on the door and was greeted by a 40-year-old man playing an 8-bit Nintendo with two other young men.
I asked them if I could stay the night because I was walking around, and I told them I was Big Red.
They let me stay, and I told them they were great, and now they will be rewarded by watching me show complete dominance at the Tecmo Super Bowl.
I ordered the young woman there, the niece of the 40-year-old man, to visit the grocery store and buy 3 crates of Old Milwaukee and a couple of Stouffer frozen pizzas.
Then I sat down and told the three men to alternate against me for a season, because I would be the Seahawks.
I made my restrictions clear: I’m not allowed to fake my play, and I’m only allowed to play ONE play if I break it: The Dave Krieg Play.
This game requires picking a pass, then rolling out and watching one of your defenders run in the apartment tangled with a defender. You do your QB and butt him into said defender and knock him off with the B button, freeing you to run backwards in the flat to complete a short forward pass.
The three of you alternated the game and found that I couldn’t stop at all. Frustrated, they continue to fix their play and try different methods to stop James. Earl Jones (my meal ticket, which I booked on behalf of John L. Williams) from arrest and arrest.
I was 2-0 up by the time the young woman returned from the store, and at that point, I was downing a beer after every touch I scored in game 3.
I inserted strategically Jeff Chadwick because Brian Blades, as Chadwick is a money-roller when it comes to throwing blocks for my man, James Earl Jones. I was 8-0 ahead, at the half point of the season, and in game number 9, Krieg ended up getting injured on the sack. As soon as he was removed from the yard, the young woman in the kitchen said, “Stouffer’s pizzas are ready!”
I replied, “So is Kelly Stouffer.”
She brought some Stouffer’s Pizza for me and I wrapped up some while bringing Kelly Stouffer into the game. He ran Kreig’s play like a owl, and before I knew it, I was 16-0 ahead and those three guys were in awe and ready to take me down in the knockout stages.
Using Kansas City, a guy got me down 37-0. After that game, I drank two beers and said, ‘Give me a break before the Championship’.
I drank four beers during that break and was completely drunk. I took off my blindfold and put it around my eyes, put the controller on the floor, and took off my shoes.
In the AFC Championship, blindfolded and using my toes on the controller, I route assault 45-3. ONLY use Dave Kreig Play when committing a crime. I’ve had about 4 more beers since my hands free.
They were about to give up at this point, and in the Super Bowl, I went 27-0 at half-time and told them they had to sacrifice their granddaughter as a fun sacrifice. On the Mighty Bombjack Show, the young girl teased in front of me and poured more beer down my throat.
In the second half, she sat on my lap, facing me. I wrap my arms around her back and play with the controller behind her, my face buried in the center of her young, firm, tanned breasts and she bouncing up and down on my lubricated shaft.
Two other drunk guys were cheering me on while the 40-year-old, uncle of the hot young lady, tried to concentrate as I groaned and gulped more beer down my throat and let those hot panties spin. on my crotch like Tim McKyerdaughter did with me once. This goes on until the end of the fourth quarter, and when James Jones Entering the final area for a final score of 47-7, I tossed my gift and pushed it off of me and started shaking cans of Old Mil and scattering them all over the place to celebrate.
Those three guys gave me great hospitality this weekend, and I enlightened them with my Tecmo dominance. I thank them all.”
Editor’s Note: I didn’t leave any spelling and grammatical errors. I have also been considered by some to be the author of this masterpiece. Sorry, I have to say that rumor is untrue.